I wrote this for a group of blogger friends. They suggested I make it public. Here is my emotional spill the morning after.
I’m tired of the Establishment vs. Tea Party wars. I’m tired of Republicans still treating tea partiers like idiots for being outraged. The tea party protested Mitt. We fought his nomination. Then we rallied around him anyway, and we still lost. If you don’t get why that’s infuriating and disheartening and why people need to be angry about it, fine. Berating them is the opposite of helpful and encourages the indignation. If Republicans can’t win WITH the Tea Party, what makes you think you have a snowball’s chance in hell without us?
I spent the primary being told to shut up, you’ll fall in line anyway. I said I wouldn’t, but I did. I thought I was doing the right thing. Obama was too scary, and Mitt is a good man. What did it get me? The most bitter loss I could have imagined, because everyone actually thought we had a chance this time. Mitt was the electable one, after all. Surely the GOP brain trust had info we didn’t and Romney was really the smart choice, despite what the grassroots told them.
I’m tired of the circular firing squads (which “establishment” types are EVERY BIT as guilty of). The self-flagellation and naval gazing are inevitable, and we all need a break. I know that I, for one, am completely burned out and broken hearted. There’s no way I’m going to be effective without a recovery period.
I don’t know what it means when our everything is not good enough. It hurts when you give your life to something for four years and fail miserably. I’ve cried. Hell, I’m still crying. I’ve lost sleep. This week, I reassess. Will I still fight? I don’t know how to do anything else. I have to believe that freedom will win.
I moved to DC in 2009 in a beat up Nissan full of nothing but my clothes, slept on an air mattress for 4 months and was totally broke and miserable. Somehow I met all of you guys and things just… Worked. This network we have built, this alternative media we are creating is critical. We are having an impact and it can only grow.
A friend sent a reply to a despondent message from me last night and I want to share it.
“You are leading new generation of conservative journos/social media mavens. You planted seeds that will bear much fruit. This is bigger than one election.”
That’s all I have to offer today. We gave it our all and it was a good fight. Rest. Spend time with your families. We will pick up the torch soon.