Category Archives: Personal

I wrote this for a group of blogger friends. They suggested I make it public. Here is my emotional spill the morning after.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of the Establishment vs. Tea Party wars. I’m tired of Republicans still treating tea partiers like idiots for being outraged. The tea party protested Mitt. We fought his nomination. Then we rallied around him anyway, and we still lost. If you don’t get why that’s infuriating and disheartening and why people need to be angry about it, fine. Berating them is the opposite of helpful and encourages the indignation. If Republicans can’t win WITH the Tea Party, what makes you think you have a snowball’s chance in hell without us?

I spent the primary being told to shut up, you’ll fall in line anyway. I said I wouldn’t, but I did. I thought I was doing the right thing. Obama was too scary, and Mitt is a good man. What did it get me? The most bitter loss I could have imagined, because everyone actually thought we had a chance this time. Mitt was the electable one, after all. Surely the GOP brain trust had info we didn’t and Romney was really the smart choice, despite what the grassroots told them.

I’m tired of the circular firing squads (which “establishment” types are EVERY BIT as guilty of). The self-flagellation and naval gazing are inevitable, and we all need a break. I know that I, for one, am completely burned out and broken hearted. There’s no way I’m going to be effective without a recovery period.

I don’t know what it means when our everything is not good enough. It hurts when you give your life to something for four years and fail miserably. I’ve cried. Hell, I’m still crying. I’ve lost sleep. This week, I reassess. Will I still fight? I don’t know how to do anything else. I have to believe that freedom will win.

I moved to DC in 2009 in a beat up Nissan full of nothing but my clothes, slept on an air mattress for 4 months and was totally broke and miserable. Somehow I met all of you guys and things just… Worked. This network we have built, this alternative media we are creating is critical. We are having an impact and it can only grow.

A friend sent a reply to a despondent message from me last night and I want to share it.

“You are leading new generation of conservative journos/social media mavens. You planted seeds that will bear much fruit. This is bigger than one election.”

That’s all I have to offer today. We gave it our all and it was a good fight. Rest. Spend time with your families. We will pick up the torch soon.

Taken from the top of the Empire State Building in April of 2001 with a disposable camera.

I was 17 and in my high school math class. A kid interrupted the teacher and said that a plane hit the Twin Towers. My teacher, clearly not processing what he’d just said, told him to stop interrupting, we had math to do. We went about class with the questions starting to buzz in our heads. What happened? We didn’t have phones or computers to get the information from. We just sat. Waited.

It wasn’t until we left that class that we heard the story. We’d gotten out in time to watch them break the news of the plane hitting the Pentagon. I was in my drama class, and my teacher’s daughter lived in Manhattan – a casting director for Comedy Central. There wouldn’t be any more class that day.

We cried. We barely understood anything. We knew it was scary and that it was bigger than we could imagine. We didn’t know that it would change the world forever.

I have no idea what else happened that day. I think they pulled us all in to the auditorium at some point. I don’t remember. I’d been to New York for the first time that spring with the theater department. We climbed to the top of the Empire State Building in the freezing cold and wind and took photos, me with the disposable camera I’d bought off the street on my way over.

It wasn’t until years later that I found this and remembered how I’d felt standing on top of that building looking out at the most defining towers in the New York City skyline; how I’d felt watching them burn.

Never forget the families, the emergency workers, the victims. The world changed forever that day. We live in a different place now. I’ll also never forget the unity we felt after the attacks. The confidence we had in our leaders, in our country. The hope.

It almost seems unbelievable that we were ever that united, even briefly. So different from the way things are now. I pray we get there again some day. We’re better together.

We’re better free.

In the past couple months, my geek knowledge has grown immensely. However, one does make mistakes. There’s a learning curve. Unfortunately, mine has cost me my subscribers. All of them. So if you were subscribed to my site, you’ll need to resubscribe. I’m sorry! I’ve worked it out now. There’s an updated RSS icon on the top right of the page where you can subscribe. Thanks again and sorry!

Meanwhile, I’ve got a YouTube channel up where I will be posting vlogs at least weekly. You can subscribe there as well.

Thanks y’all. Sorry I’m lame!